Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
