There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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