I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
