Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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