Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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