Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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