I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
