In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
should my penis look like a turkey
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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