he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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