oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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