You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Drake has all the answers
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
