Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
