I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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