My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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