You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she told me i tasted like america
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize