Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
