Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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