so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
