my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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