I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
