The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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