if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I need moral support for this bender
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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