Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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