No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
