You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
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Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
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THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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