At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
