Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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