i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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