if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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