Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
