I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
