You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
