i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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