he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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