I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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