What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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