there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
