I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
