I can text with my tongue
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
