I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
