like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
