Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
