I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
