Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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