I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
