like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
