kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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