dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
