I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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