I want you more than these girls want KFC
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize