we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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