I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
