U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
