i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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