Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
