Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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