Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
