But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I checked into jail on foursquare
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
