I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
