my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
