and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
