What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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