so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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