well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
