I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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