Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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