How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
